SHOULD I

Should I ??

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Hanya tuhan yang tahu

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That phrase is the one that he always repeating..

This is a lyric from hanya tuhan yang tahu by unic..

Frankly speaking..to me this song are not just a song..it meant a deep meaning..seriously DEEP MEANING as well..

This song..it..

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It just like..he have a feeling toward me,isn’t ??yeah..i know that I just like ‘perasan’,right??

Arghh..just forget it..

I knew that he love this song a lot as much as i..we love the same song..that normal right..otherwise we are in the same team..shared same hobby..and got same characteristic that it weirdo..hahaha..

So when you start giving this lyric..the first thing I thought is

“ouh,,it just for fun or maybe you want me to knew about that song..”

so I let it be “just nothing”..otherwise we are like a supercool friends..just like brother and sister, I and u, an motivator, or else..

But it until he miss says..he call me as ‘sweetheart’, ‘syg’,or else..You know what.. it just feel my heart beating fast and going to blow up when I heard that he call me as ‘sweetheart’..it just like

“are you mad”..

and somehow I feel its so “how sweet” for you call like that..but then I advise myself ..

“ouh,,maybe you just kidding,,that ridiculous for you to be serious meant for that nickname,right?? Moreover,that is not my first time a men calling me like that..(my ex have been like this before and yet we are still broke up bcause he had another girl in his heart..)..Because of that I had told that I never care about the nickname..for me it just a nickname..it doesn’t meant anything,and I dont want to believe it might make my heart broken again if I believe on it..”

So..when times goes on..i made my self to comfort with it and used it just to be a kidding..but you yet make it like to be serious..you start repeating give me that song lyric that you said you really meant on it..then I make you confession on me..and you admit that you had feeling toward me..  

At first,truthly speaking I want to take part on it..want to grab your heart tightly and game on you while you seem like me,seriously that my first intention toward you..i become sweet to you..i foolish on you,I lie everything just because want a game on you for revenge to my ex..afterwhile he had done to me..but then I realise that.. it unfair for you to me to get revenge on my ex did..i just have to let it go..but it too late..when you really meant on it..you make it seem like serious..somehow I think..on what purpose you do it to me..it is because you seem like serious on loving me but you seem like not gonna asking me for couple or at least make that you really love me..but somehow I feel like”ouhh..you didn’t meant it to be “real couple”        

But somehow Im asking myself..you admit that you had feeling toward me..and now you tell me ILY..BUT.the one that I want to ask is..ily for you to me is on what purpose..on what stage im means..it that just ily for a friends or be someone more special..

If it is..i don’t think that I could accept it..yes!! I admit that im touched on what you did before this.im love it.im appreciate it so much..but I don’t sure that I could have your love..REASON??

First,its because I trauma on what I had when im broke up long time ago..i cant bear it..im afraid it happened again in my life..second..it just because im still feel guilty on what I had done to you before this..means my intension …im so sorry..

So..from now on its up for you to decide it..

Im truly sorry ki..